i won't finish this game

I downloaded this game straight away without reading the details, so you can imagine how horrible I felt when I finished the game, thinking the creator (Naarel) had actually committed, and the fact that I relate to some of the things mentioned in the game.

idk, it feel like the character dead so we can move on :/

Hi! I'm currently working on a thesis capstone about video games that tackle big issues, and found your game to be extremely powerful and brave. I'd love to do a short email interview with you! Feel free to reach out if that sounds like something you'd be interested in :)

I cant download the game I click on download but its not downloading:( please help!

Thank you for making this game.

It was painful to read, but also cathartic? And there's something about seeing all the comments on this page. To know that so many of us are understanding, have been to this dark place, and have come out the other side. I'm happy we're all still here.

I related heavily to that feeling of tiredness. Being barely able to get out of bed because of the exhaustion of it all. Losing track of days because it's all the same. Those feelings are so hard to overcome.

I am 99.9% sure I played the game that's referenced and it had a similar effect on me. It made me ill, seeing something so unempathetic and blatantly clout chasing from a popular dev. Knowing an artist made that CG, programmers saw it and didn't say anything, a ton of commenters and reviewers are joking about it. I felt alone, like I was the only one disturbed by it all. The lack of care and thoughtlessness. So, thanks for making me feel like I'm not the only one who reacted strongly to it.

Thank you for finishing this game. And thank you for treating this subject with the gravity it deserves. 

I remember how I used to not relate to these sentences of the game. I was the friend who finished her games, achieved her goals, and went through adventurous memories and experiences, the friend who would check on others and take them out of their misery no matter what. But now I'm lost. I joke about death and how to find peace with it, and fortunately, it does make them laugh. I won't kill myself, but I die every day. I keep a balance because I appreciate life, but still, I find myself sleeping for 16 hours and lost in depressing thoughts. Hopefully, one day, I get better, and finish my games.

I don't really have a way to describe how I felt while playing the game other than it  hit close to home.

Read a few comments and I am honestly glad to see so many people empathise with the game, and are still here, alive and commenting. Stay safe everyone. 

Thank you for making the game and having the courage to publish it.

/!\TW: suicide and mental health and a spoiler for the game

"It looks so effortless": I've thought the same when I saw characters in medias committing suicide. And I felt a little jealous at how easy it looked to them. My main reason for not doing it was " What if my death pushes my friends over the edge?", "What if I end up in a coma?", "What if I fail to do it well, and it just ends up being painful?" and all those doubts. There's so much to worry about. I remember trying to desperately search for a reason to keep going on while I felt myself getting numb. Like "I need to see x character have a happy ending"

And oh god, when the MC went on about how they tried their best but didn't manage to make it work again and again. And the moment of resignation. It was painful to read. Made me wish I could hug MC.

I could write a lot more but I'll stop for now. Sorry for rambling so much. I am just really emotional after playing the game. (I replayed it a few times, and I'll probably do that again)

I may delete the TW part later. I am starting to regret it ghfdiorh

Anyways

Truly thank you for making this game and take care.

Naarel, this game left me a bit speechless. I don't have a headache anymore so I can comment, but I have to thank you for making it. It was strong - you are strong for creating this.

I don't know how to approach it, so I guess I'll just share my own emotions? I honestly felt... numb. Which is good... I mean, not feeling numb lol, but, without going too much into unnecessary details, when I used to have suicidal thoughts of my own, what I generally felt was numbness. Not necessarily sad, but desperate to find an exist, a loophole, anything that would give meaning to life, or make me want to live again. My most frequent thought was: "Well, if I attempt suicide and survive, maybe I'll find new perspectives?" So yeah, I didn't cry playing the game, because I never even cried for myself: I was strangely nonchalant about it, and that's something you managed to hit... However, other players felt sad, cried and I think that's a testament to the authenticity of what you did: whatever it is, you managed to touch  on something which is at the core of the "suicidal ideation" experience which, rather than chanelling a specific emotion, evokes something true to the person who went through it.

And I'm happy I didn't give in. I'm happy you didn't give in. I'm sad for the people who decided to leave. And I'm proud of you for creating something so beautiful, and, if the game in question wasn't the seed of it, I'm happy that you managed to turn something so horrible into the catalyst of something authentic and, again, and perhaps it's the wrong word to use, beautiful. Not because suicide is beautiful or to be glamourised: beautiful because you refused this. You refused to instrumentalise it, to paint it under any sorts of colours: you stood proud and stared at it, in everything it is. Not something gruesome. Not something freeing. Just void. Thanks for finishing this game. Ewelina would be proud too.

Made me sad all day 10/10

I remember when the thing that I used to get the idea as far away as possible was "don't even think about it, funerals are too expensive" in retrospective I don't think it was the best logic haha, but it helped me at the time, and hey, whatever works to keep us going!

I'm glad we survived.

Best wishes for you and your cats!!

god, i hope you can cook for someone you can hug tight.

I would consider saying something like : "take care of yourself" or "remember that you are loved"...

But these don't work on me, and I'll assume they maybe don't mean much to you either.

Just know that there are people who feel the same way. They share your pain, your struggles. They feel worthless, meaningless.  They wish to be gone forever. There are plenty of those people around you. 

Tell yourself what you would tell them if you where to meet.

Tell yourself what you think would comfort them.

Try feeling empathy towards yourself.

No matter how many times people tell you that they love you, that they care about you... You're the one that should be telling yourself those words.

played, cried, had to take a walk. 

Can't put long sentences like other people do because it left me feeling a lot that I can't weight. 

Good game

thank you for making this. 

the main character hit a raw nerve with me.  whether it was being a burden to their friends and family, not seeing a future for themselves, or seeing other game devs use the act as shock value or as a way to earn cheap sympathy for their blorbo.

i don't want to talk much about my own experiences (i'm going through something different as a dev), but this title made me feel less alone in the world. 

please take care of yourself.

Thank you for making this. Thank you for opening your heart and speaking out and dredging up a piece of your experience that, frankly, you didn't have to. You didn't owe us that vulnerability & you let us see, anyway. 

-

Sincerely,

Someone else that wanted to see some real depictions of suicidal ideation. That understood it.

Stay safe.

Honestly, I'm quite speechless after playing this game - and so I will try my best to form coherent thoughts about it.

Since I always do try to touch on technical aspects - I appreciate that, in this game, there were none. There's nothing except the text, playing out on a black screen. It's hollow and empty and lifeless and it perfectly encapsulates the feelings that the game is trying to portray. The game FORCES you to focus entirely on the words, and they're painful to experience. It's a brilliant construction - one that simultaneously represents the MC's attitude towards their passion, their mindset as a whole, and the "anti-glamorization" of suicide as a topic. 

==========TW: Discussions of suicide/mental health==========

The rollercoaster of emotions through this game is heartbreaking. At first, it seems like the MC is just losing passion for their craft - it's disheartening, but understandable, and not too worrying. And yet then, you can see how that attitude towards their passion extends to other things - and recognize how bad the situation actually is. And then - there's a brief moment of optimism, where the MC regains determination to take control over their life and decides to LIVE - before it all goes crashing down. And then it just spirals - even reflected in the prose itself ("get up. get punched to the ground. get up. get punched to the ground"). And finally there's just a moment of resignation - that nothing will change. It perfectly encapsulates the feelings of a suicidal person - the downward spiral, the brief moments of positivity, the feeling that, at the end of it all, you're lying at the bottom of this gigantic hole, and you can't get out. And it isn't even worth trying. 

I think what made me cry the most about this game is not the suicidal ideation itself, or even the conclusion - instead, it's the sheer amount of kindness and encouragement the MC has towards others in their life. How they recognize how much kindness and love their friends extend towards them, but they're not quite able to take those words to heart. How they worry whether their friends will feel bad after they're gone. How they want others to succeed and be happy and make their games - to do things they can't. How they put all of their effort into putting on a mask - to convince their friends that they were fine and happy. "i put all of my strength into making sure my friends remember me being happy" is such a POWERFUL line. It's absolutely shattering that the MC can extend this kindness and understanding to others and can't treat themselves in the same way - and yet it happens to so many of us. And at the end of it all - the MC still implores the audience not to follow them. To find another solution. Because they know it's not the solution. The last line "I'm sorry for not finishing the game" - is such a poignant one. As if the MC knows that it's not the solution, and somehow they're disappointing everyone - and, in their final moments, they're not at peace, they're not happy that it's over - they're just sorry. 

The discussion of suicide as a "meta" concept in media is an interesting one - suicide happens so easily in a story because the author just writes it. For a writer, writing a suicide is "effortless." It's a simple concept, and it's something that I've felt (that sometimes things in media feel "cheap" or "exploitative") - and yet I've never really been able to vocalize it. I think that applies to a lot of things in media - murder is easy. Trauma is easy. Even healing from trauma is easy. The author just commands the character, and it's done. And we shouldn't do that. It's never "effortless." 

I do eventually want to tackle the topic of suicide in a work. I actually have a game actively planned for this year, where I hope to tackle the topic in a sensitive, compassionate, and understanding way. However, after playing this game - I am profoundly humbled. It made me realize that, despite my good intentions, I have NOT adequately explored the depths of the topic; I have not fleshed out the MC well enough. Currently, his reasons for committing the act can be summed up in a few sentences - when it's never that simple. A few lines from the devlog struck me very deeply - the fact that many authors treat suicide as a "physical act," when it reality it is a "slow death." I will reassess my outline with greater thoughtfulness. Thank you for the lesson.

I cried a lot while playing this, and it touched me in ways that I really can't explain. Thank you very much for making this. And to Ewelina, most of all - thank you.